5 Mindset Shifts to Ease Divorce Trauma

Dealing with a breakup or divorce is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Worries weigh heavily on your heart, then you get angry, then incredibly sad - all within a matter of minutes. I know they certainly did when I was going through my divorce. One minute, I was fine; the next, I was beating myself up like my own worst enemy.

Going through these emotions is normal (although not incredibly productive) and you will start to feel the emotional waves lessen over time. As you are dealing with a breakup, here are five mindset shifts to adopt to help ease the emotional strain that you’re feeling right now. 

Feel the Freedom of Letting Go

When it feels like you have nothing else to lose, let it all go. Let go of the pain and hurt and “shoulda, woulda, coulda” that takes over. These negative emotions are like a lead balloon that keeps you tethered to trauma.

Shift your mindset to openness. The more you practice opening yourself to healing, your mind will start to believe that you no longer have ill will for any transgressions in your past relationship. The freedom of letting go of those unhealthy emotions will help you breathe normally again.

Realize that You Can Only Control Your Reactions

In a divorce, there are so few things that are in your control. Experiencing that chaos feels like you’ve loaded a picnic blanket with everything you hold dear, then someone tossed it up in the air and you’re trying desperately to catch everything before it shatters. It’s incredibly painful, to say the least.

The reality of the situation is that you can only control your reactions. When you shift your mindset and start to embrace that idea, you’ll start to feel empowered and in control, even amid the chaos.

(These divorce journal prompts may help you sort through your emotions and help you see what reactions you wish to hold onto.)

Practice Mental Weeding

You are the gatekeeper of your mind. You can choose to let flowers grow or you can choose to let weeds take over. Like when you’re controlling your reactions, you get to decide how you wish to see your world.

When going through a divorce, practicing mental weeding can help you sort through and remove negative beliefs. Yes, it’ll take time to rewire your brain, not to knee-jerk to negative emotions, but the more you “weed” your mindset, the easier it’ll be to choose what you wish to react to and what you let into your mind.

Remember that Exes Are Exes for a Reason

Whatever the case may be, your ex is your ex for a reason. Whether you initiated the divorce or your ex was the catalyst, it could be tempting to want to reconcile, but there was something that fractured it for a good reason.

Practice self-compassion and -kindness. Being gentle with yourself while you are embracing this mindset is crucial. You could be entering “beating yourself up” territory if you venture down the path unchecked.

Ask for Help

If you are the kind of person who has a hard time asking for help, this mindset shift is for you. It can be hard to embrace the idea of letting someone else in right now, especially if you’re reeling from a recent breakup.

All that said, you aren’t going through this alone. There are resources that can guide you and friends and family who wish to see you begin to heal. Getting help and getting it sooner rather than later will provide you with stability and support during this tumultuous time in your life.

I’ve worked with hundreds of people who have had complicated situations and have gone through the struggles and heartbreak of a divorce. Because of all that empathy and experience, I know how to guide you through it, too.

It took time to heal after my divorce, but I want you to know I’ve gone on to create a happy and fulfilled life for me and my children. I fully believe that a divorce can be a good thing for a family if it’s done right. This period in your life will be hard, but you will get through it.

While it may take some time before you feel whole and healthy again, be open to these mindset shifts. They’ll help you emotionally move through the trauma of divorce so you can come to the other side with grace and ease.