How to Ask Your Spouse to Mediate Your Divorce

You've decided to try mediation but aren't sure how to ask your spouse to mediate your divorce. I get it. When your marriage is ending, and you are going your separate ways, it can be hard to be on the same page about anything, much less mediation. Use the following tips to help you ask (and convince) your spouse to mediate the divorce.

5 Tips for How to Ask Your Spouse to Mediate Your Divorce

Be prepared.

As with anything, preparation is critical. While you don't need to be an expert on mediation, having enough background knowledge to understand why it interests you is essential. Do some research ahead of time. You might be able to find all you need to know with a simple online search, but if you are missing information, contact a professional for those details.

Communicate carefully when asking your spouse to mediate your divorce

Once you have the details about mediation, you must communicate carefully with your spouse. Keep in mind that you may both be reeling from the changes taking place, so this is a great time to tread lightly. 

Choose a time when conflict is limited between the two of you. Don't pick the moment a child is challenging or one of you is late to a meeting. You know when those moments are, and the best thing you can do is to avoid them.

In some cases, direct conversation leads to conflict each and every time. If that's the case for you, consider sending an email or text instead. Not only does it give the other person a few minutes (or hours) to think about their response, but it allows them to do so at a time that is convenient for them. 

If necessary, reach out to your mediator for assistance. On rare occasions, I work with clients who request that I contact their spouse on their behalf. In those cases, I send either an email or a letter introducing myself and the mediation process. I also invite the spouse to schedule a call to discuss any questions or concerns they may have.

Share resources

If you have resources related to mediation (or divorce in general), you may choose to share them with your spouse in an attempt to get him or her on board. 

We offer a free webinar that reviews common questions about mediation HERE.  

Focus on the benefits of mediation

Just because you want to do something doesn't mean that your spouse will as well. Focus on how mediation will benefit both of you. For example, mediation allows for the following:

• Greater control over the outcome
• Privacy
• Affordability

...among other things. When you know the benefits ahead of time, you'll be able to convey them to your partner.

Don't force the issue

No matter what you do, don't force the issue of mediation with your spouse. Ideally, you want an amicable settlement and angering or irritating the other party will only result in frustration on both sides. 

Divorce Mediation FAQ

Consider the following commonly asked questions from couples considering divorce mediation.

What can I expect at a divorce mediation?

Each mediator's process may vary, so I recommend asking your mediator what to expect. We typically begin our engagements with a complimentary consultation to make sure both parties are clear on what mediation is and what it isn't. From there, we schedule mediation sessions in 2-hour time blocks.

How do I prepare for divorce mediation?

Being prepared for mediation not only speeds up the process but also lends itself to more favorable outcomes for you. To prepare for your divorce mediation, I recommend doing the following:

1. List the concerns you want to address in mediation
2. Brainstorm possible solutions to your concerns
3. List questions you have
4. Collect financial documents needed to make decisions
5. Have property appraised if necessary
6. Bring paper and pen to take notes or a laptop if you prefer
7. Bring your calendar to schedule your next session
8. Eat beforehand or bring a snack if you'll be meeting over a mealtime
9. Bring a beverage and stay hydrated during the session

Related post: How to Prepare for Mediation: Divorce Mediation Checklist

How long does divorce mediation take?

Several factors determine how long a divorce mediation will take. I recently wrote a whole post on the topic, which you can visit via the link below. The five factors I identified are as follows:

1. How prepared are you
2. How complicated are the issues that need to be addressed
3. How willing you both are to compromise
4. The mediator's skill level
5. Scheduling/availability to meet

Related post: How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?

How We Can Help Improve Your Mediation Outcomes 

A key to maximizing the efficacy of your mediation is preparation. By ensuring you're well-equipped with knowledge, you can make the most of your time and efforts. We're here to provide clarity on potential financial outcomes, preparing you to negotiate your financial settlement with confidence. Reach out to us and discover how collaborating with a CDFA before and during mediation can simplify decisions and reduce stress throughout the process.

Related post: Divorce Mediation Tips: A Guide to Handling Your Emotions